Ashes

From TCWiki

Title: Ashes

Character: Himoto Kitsuko (Kit)

Author: Kitchan

Timeline: post-OLSAL / pre-Fall.

Summary: Kit doesn't quite angst, she just gets introspective - and buries herself in work. And isolates herself from everyone else.

Apologies to Billy Joel, for using "Shades of Grey".

Notes: "Hikaru" means "light" in Japanese, and is Lightsider's original (as in, before he was cursed) name. Not to be confused with the other Hikaru, who is just known as Hikaru and is in a different faction of the game entirely.

Hanyou = "half-demon", roughly. Though the "-you" part can also indicate spirits like fox spirits.

"Shitsurei shimasu!" is a Japanese phrase that means "Excuse my rudeness" (roughly) and is also said when stepping up to/entering a house.

=

No doubts and nothing to fear, I claimed the corner on truth.

Kit leaned back in her chair, massaging her temples, her eyes still on the windows she had open.

Five applications for work - charts, statistics, a patient's magic field readout next to a readout of a patient that did not use magic next to a readout of a patient who was inherently magical.

Instant messaging windows.

Messages from Neko Einado. Messages from Lightsider.

"Kit, are you there? Is there anything wrong?"

Shades of grey wherever I go - the more I find out, the less that I know.

She researched magic; that was what the UFL Hospital had hired her for. The Hospital saw many patients daily. Researching the particulars of magic, how it worked, how it functioned, how the differences factored into the ever-present question of how the staff of nurses and the doctor could heal the magic users more efficiently - that was her function.

The Serenity device backfired. Or the patient somehow used it...

...and thanks to that, I nearly got Hikaru-san killed.

Black and white is how it should be. But shades of grey are all that I see.

Being reduced to a voice, a frantic voice in the back of her own mind. Being able to see and hear, but not being able to act; she could only watch, and try and plead, as the fire burned around her.

As the flames licked at Lightsider's coat, and he screamed in pain.

Flames fueled by her own foxfire...

Now with the wisdom of years I try to reason things out

And the only people I fear are those that never have doubts.

...and the voice, the cold presence, of the girl directing all of it.

Save us all from arrogant men, and all the causes they're for.

"Oh, look, a little hanyou and her flames. The perfect murder weapon, and certainly able to get through Hikaru's defenses. Yes - he can't kill anything now! Oh, little hanyou, not able to defend herself either... shitsurei shimasu!"

And the laughter.

She remembered the laughter.

The girl had wanted to kill Lightsider. Had used - somehow - the Serenity device; she had used a device that was meant to heal. Hadn't thought twice about using someone else, about controlling someone else, possessing someone else-

I won't be righteous again - I'm not that sure anymore.

Kit looked at the screens again.

Ei was pinging her computer, making sure it was still active. Wondering if she was there. Wondering if she would listen to him.

She wanted to. She wanted to at least say that she was fine. But she wasn't.

Besides, couldn't he see? The fanboys and fangirls of Megatokyo, the factionists - all of them were just interested in fighting. In taking advantage of one another. Trying to heal them never did much good.

And still, she worked.

Wasn't that enough?

"I can't stay here."

...Shades of grey are the colors I see.